she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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