i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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