Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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