True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was like eating out sand paper
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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