the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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