you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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