Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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