TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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