I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
