We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
