I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize