The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
