Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize