i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my liver is dry heaving
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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