next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
