Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
