He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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