So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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