If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
