remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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