he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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