I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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