Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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