so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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