YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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