I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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