Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
