Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
