I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize