Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
