My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
