if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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