your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
