He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
