did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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