carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
