Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
