I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize