ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
