And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
