wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
