cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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