why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
