lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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