sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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