hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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