What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
