Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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