you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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