Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The air was thick with penises
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
