evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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