Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize