I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
