she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
