the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
