This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
