I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
