i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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