We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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