It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
