I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
