the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
