I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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