At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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