My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
